So, look… everyone wants to give people relationship advice, because everyone thinks that they know and have been through everything. Well, I may not know everything or have been through it all, but damn, have I been through a lot of shit from guys and learned a lot from it. And it’s a two-way street. Girls can be hard to read and can suck, too. This post is definitely for both genders!! But, I’ve finally gotten to a point in my life where this stuff really matters, I’m over playing games, wasting my time and I’m not trying to settle for less than I deserve.
Therefore, here is MY ADVICE to anyone who needs it or feels like you don’t need it, because I guarantee you’ll learn something:
Dating // Dating is hard. Really hard. It’s difficult to get yourself out there and meet new people. For me, at least. It’s also difficult because when you meet someone for the first time, you try and show them your best self. Essentially, you’re trying to impress them a little with who you are, make them think you’re as pretty as you are online and make them think you’re actually as funny as you might think you are. If you’re a person that is so easily yourself at all times no matter what around no matter who, then props to you. But, a lot of people aren’t. I’m super shy when I first meet people and usually have no idea what to respond with when people talk to me. Awko taco. I’m also not a fan of dating apps. I’ve sworn against ever getting one, because I would much rather meet someone naturally, organically, in person and actually know if I have a connection with them before I set myself up on some rando date and have to have one of my girlfriend’s call me “crying” with an excuse for me to dip out “right now because it’s an emergency…” Not my thing. I want to be real and upfront with guys. If I’m just looking to meet new people and hang out with guys as friends, I’ll let you know that I’m not interested in a relationship at the moment. The last thing I want to do is lead someone on and hurt their feelings.
Flirting // Not my specialty. I’m an extremely sarcastic person, so typically I just come off as mean to people…. don’t mean to, but I do! I’m not to be taken too seriously. Deep down I’m actually a total goob and love to be around someone that loves to laugh, be silly and have a good time. Now, here’s the biggest problem these days. Guys have kind of lost their charm. I haven’t had one guy come up to me with a good pick up line or a solid attempt to hit on me. A guy literally came up to my friend Shaye and I this weekend and the first thing that came out of his mouth was, “Hey, do you guys wanna come out on the lake with us tomorrow?” ….. dude, I don’t even know you. Why would I want to go out on the lake with you? He didn’t even ask our names! It’s one thing for a guy to call you “hot,” but what happened to calling women beautiful or gorgeous? Or maybe, “You have very pretty _____” – fill in the blank. (eyes, smile, freckles) At least notice something about a woman rather than just her “hot” appearance. Chivalry is apparently dead again, especially in Nashville… Men, do you need help with things to say that might actually work? Well, since you asked nicely…
Here are some things that have worked in the past for me or some that I would hope for in the future:
- Comment on a feature of hers that you actually do like (not her cleavage or butt) // I love when guys compliment my freckles. They’re unique to me and I know that they actually made eye contact with me to notice them rather than staring me up and down like a piece of meat…
- Actually ask a girl out on a date. A real date. It doesn’t even have to be fancy. Just ask her to hang out sometime, one-on-one. Not with your buddies… just you. The best pick up line, or whatever you want to call it, that I’ve ever gotten is when a guy said to me, “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I would love to take you out on a date. May I take you out on a date sometime soon?” and hell yeah that worked. We went out less than five days later. Not going to lie, that was the nicest guy I’d ever dated, and I have certain standards for guys in the future because of that.
- If she is with a girlfriend of hers at the moment, DON’T ignore her friend. You don’t have to hit on her as well, but don’t just brush her off to the side. It’s super rude.
- If you’re out at a bar, BUY HER DRINK for crying out loud. I even go and offer to buy people drinks when I’m out, but I can’t tell you how many times guys have been hanging out with me and will let me pay for my own drink when I order it. Like, damn, at least just offer. Even if you’re a guy friend. It’s just a gentlemanly thing to do.
- If you’re already in a relationship or have starting dating someone here and there, don’t even go there. You’re just going to end up hurting someone’s feelings in the end. One girl at a time, dude.
- If you don’t have the money currently to take her out on a date and impress her, don’t stress. There’s plenty of free things to do around town that are sometimes more fun and adventurous. (parks, hikes, farmers markets, etc…)
- Just be yourself from the start. Don’t try and impress me when you meet me, because I can see straight through you…
- Don’t buy me a drink before you meet me and bring it to me, because I will automatically believe that it’s rufeed. Buy me one after I’ve found out that you’re not a total creep.
- If you’re lucky enough to get her number, don’t use the three-days-after bullshit. Text her when you want to, it’s not a game. If you text her a couple hours after saying something like, “It was very nice to meet you tonight.” Then throw out a nice compliment or say “maybe we can hang out sometime soon.” We want you to be a man and initiate it. Stick to your job.
- Goodmorning / goodnight texts are not dead, by the way. Lets us know that you’re thinking about us. Score.
Hopefully that gives you some ideas. Comment below if you have other questions! Anyway…
Relationships // Here’s my opinion, don’t settle just because you want someone around and to have. Also, just don’t pick up the first guy on the street you meet just because all of your friends may be in a relationship as well. Being independent is a great quality, and guys respect that about women. If you easily accept anybody that walks up to you, you’re not as great as a catch to someone else. Good people and great relationships come to you when you’re not looking for them and when you least expect it. Take care of you and the things that make you happy. Spend time meeting new people and engaging with new friends, rather than going out on the prowl to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. Girls, we ain’t thirsty. You’ve listened to enough Destiny’s Child to know better… but when you do find that person, you’ll know. There shouldn’t be any worry about it, overthinking or questioning. If you’re not sure if it feels right, it probably doesn’t. But if you feel completely comfortable, can truly be yourself and truly enjoy this person’s company at all times, eventually it will just hit you. You’ll know that you’re in the right spot with the right person. And don’t settle until you find it. Or in the right case, when it finds you.
Something I’ve noticed lately and even certain men have started to notice, is that some girls almost like being treated badly. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. some girls love the slight attention they get from a bad boy, and they like the way that bad boys act and the game they play and the chase you have to go after just to get any of their attention or time. But if someone’s not going to treat you right or give you the time of day, then why the hell are you wasting your time with this person? Bad boys are not all they’re cracked up to be, they’re actually pretty terrible…literally.
- Do you have a guy that only hits you up past 9 PM? // You’re a booty call.
- A guy that won’t introduce you to his friends or family? // You’ve never been brought up in front of those people and cease to exist at this point.
- A guy that claims to never have any money and asks or expects you to pay for a lot of things? // He’s not a gentleman.
- A guy that makes you chase him and is real hesitant to make plans with you or respond to you? // He’s probably talking to multiple girls. I want to know that a guy likes me and wants to make an effort to see me and spend time with me.
- A guy that curses at you or expresses serious anger issues (or has holes in his walls from punching them?) // GTFO. Whether he’s aggressive or angry, especially paired with alcohol or full blown/boarder-line abusive, it’s STILL abuse. Run, girl… Been there, done that and never will I let that shit happen again.
To be fair, I’ll also share attributes of women to stay away from:
- If a girl only hits you up past 9PM? // You’re also a booty call…works both ways.
- If, when past the dating stage and in a relationship, she never even offers to pay for things just here and there to be polite? Maybe even makes you pay for all of her clothes? // She probably ain’t polite and a slight gold-digger. **I’m very independent and like to be able to take care of myself and pay for my own things. Unless I’m on a date or you’re trying to spoil me a little, a guy should at least offer to retain his title of a “gentleman.”
- If a girl stalks your social media every 24 seconds or snoops through your phone when you leave the room? // Sorry, but there’s a thing called TRUST. If you don’t trust someone enough and think you have to snoop, you don’t trust them, period, and you should get out of that, quick.
- A Stage 5 Clinger… If she won’t let you spend a moment away from her or out of her sight, that’s just unhealthy. Make time to see each other, but not 24/7.
- An over controlling woman. If she dictates every step you take, every move you make, every breath you take… congratulations, you have now had your man card revoked.
What I look for in a relationship:
- Someone that I can completely be myself around and not be afraid to be silly and crazy with.
- Someone that I’m not constantly stressing if they even like me or not, or if they’re talking to other girls at the same time…
- Trust. Someone that will be completely honest and open with me. Not someone that lies or beats around the bush just to string me along.
- Someone that makes me laugh! Someone that’s happy with a great attitude and vibe.
- Someone that likes to show me off a little. If I’m proud to be with someone, I’m going to show it. But, I will not blow up social media with #mancandymondays and shit, because that’s too much and I don’t personally want random people in my business or to know too much of my business. At least show people that your girl/guy exists and you love and appreciate them with a post every once and a while, just not all the time…
- Someone that is a gentleman. If money is tight at the moment, tell me, and we can chill instead of going out and doing anything crazy. But, when we do go out, PLEASE just offer to pay for things, and I will do my best to be polite and offer here and there.
- Someone that shares similar interests as me, loves music, food and traveling. And roller coasters…
- Someone that gets along with my family and friends. This is HUGE to me, because these people mean the absolute world to me, and if you don’t click with them, you and I will not click for long at all…
- Someone who is my ride or die. You’re my best friend, we talk shit about the same people, we do crazy stuff together, travel the world with one another, keep each other motivated but still eat Taco Bell or Wafflehouse at 2AM… that kind of relationship.
- Look, I don’t ask for much out of someone. I really don’t. I’m a very chill person. I just want someone to show that they care and really make an effort in a relationship. No one is perfect, and I don’t want perfect.
And *Mic drop* …. just kidding.
Well, there you have it. That’s all that I can come up with as of now. (I know, it was a hell of a lot to read) But, you’re on your way to better days of flirting, dating and relationships. Comment below with any questions I may have not answered for you!
Happy Hump Day! Now, go out and find your lovahhh (insert kissy and winking emojis)